etsy-ing it up

look who has an etsy shop!

Another Round Please is now open for business...

(please excuse the lack of wreaths, I'm making them as fast as I can and selling them QUICKLY!)

RAW

I drove to NH last Tuesday night... so nervous that I was doing something so crazy... driving 2 hours after a long workday and then back home? I'm glad I don't take myself seriously sometimes because it was a beautiful trip.
Here's what happened:
It started with this




which turned into this

where I met these lovely ladies: (please click thier names, you won't be sorry, some of them have beautifully captured our magical get-together)


Nina (the whole self) our beautiful hostess

Jenica (out of ashes)

Mindy (under a pink sky) and (wishstudio)

Jill (finding my way)

Jess (seek your course)

Anna-Marie (sacred space studios)

Miranda (studio mothers) (creativity coaching for creative mothers) and (pen and press)

Teena (little bird by funky mommy)

and

Maya (this every moment) and (one paragraph at a time)

and ended with this:

CAKE break!

it is my usual customer to offer you up a cupcake (or two or ten) when I need to take a break from TRM to pull my shit together. But, since I have eaten them all myself due to an unusually high stress volume, I'll offer you a leftover slice of Sage's 11th Birthday cake- made gluten free by Sugar Plum Bakery.

During this time I hope to answer the following questions (or maybe you could just answer them for me)

1- did facebook kill my blog?

2- I made a committment to bring all my supplies here once my very dear friend moved, I sorted through what I could keep to work on productively while in my tiny little space... but haven't done a freaking thing. Where did that committment go?

3- I don't work for the devil anymore but I'm still feeling the burn. How do I heal from that?

4- co-parenting with an idiot. any ideas?

5- where the fuck is my red bracelet? Has anyone seen it?

6- dating. want to? need to? scared to?

So there we have it... see you soon.

Eleven

Mr. Big Man is now fully immersed in the land of technology. Yup. It happened. He grew up and into the "I'm smarter than you are" phase and it's ok... as long as he maintains his outstanding gentleness and politeness skills. I can't believe he's eleven. And headed into middle school. It feels so strange that eleven years ago he was born, really sick, I was unable to hold him... just rub his little head with a steralized glove through a little hole in an incubator before he was rushed up to Boston, where they fixed him. Thank God for doctors.

He's smart, yes. But he's also thoughtful and hysterical. And he's my boy, and I'm proud of how he's growing.

Here are some great photos he's been taking lately:

Six

from stylish

to sassy


to so full of beauty and grace



You are six, you are wonderful and you are ours.

One Year

it's been one year since this

and I'm ok

I'm doing ok now.

In one year I had

people come out of the woodwork to pull me up,

rescuers near and far nursing me back to the land of the living

children to send to camp

a home to move

memories to pack up

or leave behind

or throw away

a camp to attend

creative projects to be involved in

efforts to make myself feel worth it

a child to send off to her first day of Kindergarten

and one to his first day of his last year in elementary school

a car to crash

a car to buy

a first holiday to make it through, which was spent with a dear friend and her loving family

a second holiday to make it through with help from my community

gifts of hope

and love

and a much more concrete plan to spend the day in celebration with my children

and then the new year

where I made it, after 5 years onto the state childcare subsidy program

spent time with my brother and his family in the snowy lovely woods of Maine

and went to see my loving sister and my beautiful nieces in the springtime rush of Georgia

and met the most JOYFUL women in my world

and had many bumps in the road in my work life

but stood my ground

and spoke from my heart in hopes of changing things

(still pending, but not entirely hopeless anymore)

I've taken care of the emotional needs of the children, especially the little one who has so many questions and only a limited amount of understanding as to why her life is so different now.

I've starting serving on a committee to enhance the arts in our schools here

which has been exciting and fulfilling.

I told the truth

and then explained the truth about the truth

I've

made it through countless childcare crises

money issues

sadness

pain

anger

a LOT of anger

and into the guidance of my Minister

who has given me fuel to make MY way

and told me that I have grace (who ME?)

and encouraged me to fight the good fight on behalf of my children

and their childcare

and a decision made without regard for the impact it would make on a few families in my town

and now I'm opening eyes

and encouraging spotlights to shine on the issue

and so far, so good in getting a response that MAY just change things

not only for myself but for the deserving families in this town.

I've been signing up for camps

getting scholarships to help

receiving news that my children will be aided in food and transportation to school next year

relieving one more worry that I can now put aside

In other words doing everything possible to take care of us, to take care of our needs, even if it means sucking it up and accepting help that is readily available.

Even if it means filling out miles and miles of paperwork and going to countless appointments.

Every effort

has been

entirely worth it

even if I don't sleep at night from worry

or geese

or a rooster

(myth: roosters only crow at dawn)

I've started getting back to ME

to my art

to my creativity

to my life

to my love

to my happy place.

Sundays

Sundays are really hard. It's the one morning of the week that I wake up, alone in the apartment except for the cat at the end of my bed who is always staring at me the minute I open my eyes. How long has he been staring at me? It's creepy.
Monday through Saturday, the thought of Sunday sounds delicious, full of hope, full of creativity, full of rest for this weary body that works 6 days a week.
Sunday is mine.
Sunday is supposed to be my day.
But Sunday is lonely.

I have grand plans through the week
"this Sunday I'm going to go for a walk around Powder Point"
"this Sunday I'll take my bike out and maybe ride across the bridge"
"this Sunday I'll go to "the studio".....
and what. what? what am I going to do there?
My paints are organized by size, waiting for me on a shelf
My paper is stacked veritcally, waiting for me on another shelf
And I spend every Sunday, ignoring the grand plans in my mind, and finding many reasons why I just can't do any of those things I dream of all week.

I think I'm stuck. I miss my children. I don't know how to just BE.
What is it going to take to get me going, back to that stack of unfinished paintings?

Sweets for the sweet

It's been a MONTH since my last post!

Oh my!

It's been a busy one... and when I find a moment of quiet I'll share.

But for now, enjoy the sweetness of life.

Or these cookies and marzipan.

Delish.

I feel a happy disaster coming on!

Springtime, time to create... time to focus and gather and relish messy hands. Time to step into my space, take stock of my materials, cross my fingers that the freeze didn't ruin any of my supplies and time to start planning. I want to start off with a bang. I want to just dive off the cliff into a cloud of paint, or land in the arms of some fabric. I want you to join me. Will you? I want to start planning a night. A RAW night. What is RAW? Well, you can read about it here:

Living Within the RAW: How Women Who Live a Truthful Life Bequeath An Artful Life

It was written by one of my artistic heros, Jenica xoxo

Let's play. Don't live in my town? That's ok! I'm 35 minutes south of Boston right on the ocean so make the journey! It's worth it, I promise! I want a Springtime gathering... I bet you do too... Leave me a message, contact me on facebook, send me an email (button is on the right).

Let's DO this thing!

cracked

I keep putting all my eggs in one basket, and then tripping over myself while I carry them. I thought getting away and taking a little break would help, but it just made it harder to come back. I think I'll take a little break now, before I really crack. Anyone who would still like to guest spot for me would be welcome with open arms. Just let me know. And please, enjoy these eggs... they belong to some pretty little feathered gals in Georgia at my sisters house. They were delicious.