The Reluctant Mermaid

one woman unwilling to swim in the same direction as the others



this is my mother, Audrey
isn't she pretty?

she's really very sick
and I don't know what to do to help
because we haven't always been friends, friendly, loving
in fact, just last fall was the first time in about 6 years that we
hugged, said I love you, I miss you, I forgive you

she's really very sick
and I don't know what to do to help
so I call, I listen to her struggling to breath, 
telling her she doesn't have to talk to me if she's feeling out of breath
but I get the feeling that she's talking so much because it's been so long
and who knows.... anything could happen
and that really frightens me
and I don't know what to do with all those feelings...
because they're very new to me

it's really hard for me to imagine that she's so weak that she fell and couldn't move
it's very difficult to hear that she couldn't even yell for help

she was always mighty, always loud, I was really afraid of that as a child
because it was powerful, it was painful, all that yelling...
 all that smacking around
that fear

and now she can't stand up?  or talk? or breathe?
seriously?  I can't even imagine that!
it just doesn't seem right, 
this woman
my mother
so frail
and scared

She has a rare blood disease
and it's really hurting her
and she's in the hospital 
and she's lost so much
like her job
her health insurance
and almost all of her children's respect
but here I am, healing after six years
while she tries with all her might to heal herself
and it's not looking too good right now

So what I do is to look for services that can help her when she gets out
meals, nursing care, health insurance, social security
community support, etc. etc. etc
THAT is what I can do

oh- and tell her that I love her
because I do
I love her


good news: kidneys are out of danger
bad news: blood clots are in both her legs and lungs.  PLEASE let the bloodthinners work!
more bad news: moving her to a larger hospital, trying to find a blood donor match for a transfusion


Cindie White-Weiss said...

I think you are brave to help someone who hurt you in many ways.
If you need help with anything - I can make meals, I can help transport to appointments, etc. - I am here.

Love you and your big heart.

jill said...

we have SO much in common! i'm sorry to read of all your pain! KNOW i send my love and many big hugs!
XOXOXO!~ jill

Eric said...

Hugs & prayers dear. Best thing for you, & best thing from you too. <3