When I first starting this little project, I was just feeling worse and worse about myself.
It was difficult to be in the situation that I was in, but to throw in those feelings of self doubt, worthlessness, rejection, hurt, pain... all of that really: I kind of lost myself in all of that until I really couldn't look myself in the mirror.
What started with a pair of shoes one day, has- over the last couple of weeks now ended up with what you see here today:
new haircut and color,
a stylin' scarf (hello New England, thank you for biting me in the ass with your chill today! Geez!),
a happy blooming flower
a genuine smile
because I'm starting to like what I see.
There I said it.
Look at me, and see what I see...
I may not have solved the completely insane and complicated situation that I'm in right now.
But I sure as hell can make the effort to look like a million bucks while I try.
I would like to thank you all for the love and support you've provided for me in the past 5 months. I hope that you see that because you gifted me with your time and your generosity- that I was able to finally take care of ME. I love you all... so so much.
Now if I may, I want to share with you one of my favorite people who makes it SO easy for me to see that sometimes you just have to strut your ass all over the place and not feel like the whole world is judging you...
Click to view the awesomeness that is.... Allison Tyler
and then as a sweet little bonus, another favorite friend talks all about the power of feeling like a beautiful bad-ass
and also,if it gets bad enough... do what my other amazing friend does to get through the bullshit by finding your very personal glam rock kick OWWWW!!!
**** edited to add the following after an extreme revelation I had for ALL of us ****
Well, the point is I'm totally not done being as awesome as I can possibly be. And I don't even know why the hell I thought I wasn't. Well, I mean I KNOW why- but... I just needed to find that again. And the funny thing is, is that this ...is the most confident I've been about myself EVER! Like, even pre-sucky situation! I don't care if my BMI is eyebrow raising, I don't care if nobody else is checking out my badonkadonk, I don't care if I think my pretty pink nails are chipped a little... the fact that I even took time to PAINT them is what matters. The effort is what matters, the EFFORT is the thing that I'm proud of... the thing that makes me walk standing straighter, maybe with a little bounce in my step, clicking around in kick-ass little yellow shoes... am I truly a beauty? Well, compared to a supermodel I'm not... but guess what- I have the sweat-equity behind my confidence. I don't have people flurrying all around me swiping makeup on me, airbrushing the hell out of me because my "pretty isn't pretty enough" I have ME to do that work for me... and I have no choice but to take the credit for what you see before you. ME. SMILING. WITH LIPSTICK that I put on ALL BY MYSELF!!! ♥