The Reluctant Mermaid

one woman unwilling to swim in the same direction as the others

2/8/09

String Beans are losers

there is a "free books" bin at Iris's school. This little gem was hanging out at the bottom... she snapped it right up.


Why? Is he gay? Because if he is... thats okay! I'm okay with that! In fact... we really need more books that explore same sex relationships- kids just don't get enough exposure to this and it's a shame... education inspires acceptance as far as I'm concerned. Me and some of my good friends would be wicked psyched if gay lifestyles were tolerated in the mainstream. But maybe he's just a lonely bachelor- that could be it too... or maybe he's a friggin String BEAN and we all know string beans are losers.


oh no wait... he's desperate... that's the problem. He's got a lot of guts though to beg Miss Strut to be his wife. I'll give him that- he's pretty bold.


oh crap- he fell in the mud... what a LOSER! HA! Oh well... that's not going to stop him from his mission to wed another vegetable...


a turnip? kale? What IS this snotty Miss Strut besides a pretty judgemental what... collard green? carrot? She's also pretty dramtic if you ask me... and has absolutely no compassion what-so-ever. I mean, if a dirty string bean showed up at MY house with flowers I'd take pity on him... but not Miss Strut- no no no no... she has to be all "OMG! Get OUT of here you Muddy LOSER!"


So String Bean must have absolutely no pride at all... he picks himself off... washes the crud away and goes BACK! Dude- did you ever see that book called He's Just Not That Into You? well... change the title and make it apply to vegetables and the message is very clear: Miss Strut does NOT want to marry your sorry ass. Can't knock a guy for trying though can you?


Insert foot in mouth... look who's the loser now? ME! I didn't think he could do it... I didn't think it would work but lo and behold- Miss Strut is all into him now that he's lookin' fine...like a bottle of wine... So all in all this was a beautiful story. It taught our kids to beg for love, throw dirty people out on the street and then clean up your act and try again because we can only give our love to tidy people. The End.

8 comments:

Schriftstellar said...

HA!!

You're my favorite.

<3

Shelly! said...

I think I did the blog version of peeing my pants.

And then I read the story outloud to DH and bl'eed (that doesn't look right - read it blog+pee'd) again!

It cracks me up that we refuse to teach about love in all it's forms but THIS kind of love is ok. Hum...

Yarasawat (BatGirl!) said...

What do you mean "THIS kind of love?" I know nuance doesn't come through electronically, but I think I detect a note of derision for the beautiful and sacred love shared between a pathetic green bean and an apparent human with inexplicable leaves sprouting from her head. I am SO SICK of people putting down loser bean/apparent human sprout relationships without even having experienced one. Glass houses, man. My sprouts are wilting in fury and I demand an apology or I will sic my pathetic bean husband on you.

~Kat~ said...

Vegetables just don't have the complex feelings of love like we do Jess... sorry to break it to you and your sprouts but they will never understand the depth of emotion that comes from human romance.
Would YOU beg for a spouse?
Would YOU scream if Chris came to your door with shit all over his face, looking to hook up?

No... no I don't think so...
ps- is Chris okay with you calling him a "bean" come on... you know you agree with me that beans are losers...

Audri said...

Very "Alice in Wonderland" entry. Loved it, although I think I may be dreaming about veggies tonight. Not gonna share with my hubby as he will get all different kinds of ideas about veggies in bed. ;)

Anonymous said...

You make me giggle, girl... However, wasn't there some sort of study out years ago that did seem to conclude that broccoli have nerve endings and feel pain of some kind...really. I read about it. I went to college with a girl who wouldn't eat broccoli because of it. Maybe we just need to be a bit more sensitive to the whole veggie thing!!---Carrie

elissa said...

i miss you.

elissa said...
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