Here's my teeny tiny babygirl, just 4 weeks old. On a boat, in a sling, in Plymouth Harbor. (and that's my dad wearing my niece Laura in the sling behind us... isn't that adorable!)
She is so tiny and pink (and I'm gushing with love and flushed with new baby euphoria... oh, and interestingly enough about 20lbs lighter after birth than I am today... I gotta do something about that) ahem.... anyhow...
The point is, right now I feel like she's still just that small. Like today for instance, her third day of daycare. The third day in which she cried on and off all day- clinging to her Hello Kitty pillow backpack and never once letting go all day long. I walked into the room and she looked like she was about to explode with relief, raw emotions of being there all day made her burst with fresh tears.
And she's just.so.tiny...
This is not what I wanted for her, not when she was that wee little one in that picture.
I am overcome with feelings right now. Wanting to push the world aside and elbow my way to her rescue. Wanting to tell the credit card and oil company to go screw themselves... maybe even send them a picture of her looking like a lost little kitten... all so they might understand why I can't work; why I can't pay them what we pay them. "Because my child needs me!" I could tell them.
"Because my heart feels ripped open when the teachers pry her off of me so I can race to work" I would say.
"Because I shouldn't have to chose between my babygirl, my tiny little babydoll and heat." I should say.
But, (sigh) instead I have to tell her how proud I am, how brave she is, how good she is being, that I will ALWAYS come back for her at the end of the day, that I love her with all my heart.
And then I have to convince myself that this is NOT breaking her spirit little by little... even though I won't ever believe myself.