The Reluctant Mermaid

one woman unwilling to swim in the same direction as the others

4/4/08

I'm frozen

I'm frozen right now. I'm not cold- I'm just stuck, frozen, unable to move my thoughts forward.
I'm coming off a high from my super successful event, where I got nothing but praise and complements for all the hard work I did,
But the moment happened this morning, one that made a dreaded rush wash over me and render me frozen.
What was it? What was the moment?
It was the moment I walked by a mirror. I saw my mother in that mirror. Now I'm frozen.
I have always feared looking like her because looking like her means that every time I see myself in the mirror- I see her.
I've gained a tremendous amount of weight and now my fear is coming true- I saw her today... in the mirror.
Sometimes I want to just fade away. Sometimes I want to cling to everything. It's a struggle.

5 comments:

audrirene said...

Don't think of this as a negative. You wanted to change your mom, or at least get a different model, now you can. It is just making you into the person, she should of been. {{hugs}} As for the weight gain, I hear ya. As soon as this move is done, I am working on that. Again. Congrats on the good job done on the work event. You done good girlfriend!

Anonymous said...

You are not you mother girlfriend, you are you, whats on the exterior is just the window dressing

Inside you are a wonderful, devoted, creative mother

MJ :->

Anonymous said...

you are not her - even if you look like her.
I miss you
Renee

Schriftstellar said...

I know this is a couple of days old, but I'm still thinking of you and sending hugs your way. Congrats on the event! I knew you'd be awesome!

catebrook said...

If you see your mother in YOUR reflection, you are seeing the best of her. You got the best part :)