The Reluctant Mermaid

one woman unwilling to swim in the same direction as the others


Missed Connection

Every so often, in my marriage... I hit this "missed connection" stage where I feel like nothing fits, nothing goes right, nothing is communicated in an effective way. So we just live the days, "coping" with each other until something, usually something out of our control, forces us to come crashing together in "togetherness"... and from there we just seem to find the way back to being "us".
But it's the waiting that gets me. Waiting for something, other than either one of us to initiate a bond.
Sometimes the remote control to the television becomes more than the way to change channels, sometimes it becomes the vehicle in which I get upset because he has not effectively communicated the fact that the game is on and he intended to watch every single solitary second of it.... even though he never even blinks at it the first 3/4 of the season when they're just doing "so-so". Stupid fairweather fan... that's not nice to only root for your team when they're on their way to the World Series.
Sometimes, instead of just SAYING "I need for you to practically beg me to be intimate with you because I have no MoJo right now" I shrug him off and tell him his beard hurts my shoulder when he's clinging to me in hopes that that's enough of a "hint" for me. Those hints are too subtle for me to take seriously... it's easier for me to find excuses when a tight snuggle is his idea of "let's get it on".
Sometimes, I just want HIM to be the parent who empties the big urchins backpack after school, scouring the homework folder for notices and paying special close attention to any worksheets and the happy faced comments that the teacher places upon a job well done. But it's not even in his radar sometimes.

Look- I don't want to turn what, usually is a poetic love story about my husband here a into "that sonnuva___ch!" rant. That's so far from where I am. He's so far from ever earning that kind of rath from me.
I just hate being stuck.
I hate that I can't just SAY the words "I'm feeling distant" or TAKE the action that it would take for us to not be so distant.
Sometimes I'm just leaving on a jet plane... don't know when I'll be back again...


Shelly said...

You really hit the nail on the head in describing what distance and lack of communication feels like.

For me it isn't the remote that personifies the frustration - it's his driving. Can't really describe except to say that more times than not we get in the car, get driving, and end up pulling over so we can finally discuss what is going on. Either that or I end up a nervous wreck for nitpicking (in my mind) all the things he is doing wrong.

Most of us know that we can adore and love our hubbies and still be 100% done with them.

Good luck with finding a way to connect.

Just Jen said...

oh, I can so relate.

audrirene said...

I too understand.

Jane said...

OK, let me just preface this by saying that I'm divorced and I went through that "stuck" and "disconnected" stage for years. But, with that being said, I still believe in the power of connection and relationships. I've always wondered over the years how I could say ANYTHING to my best friends and family but lack any words at all when it came to my husband or now romantic relationships. I guess just realizing that we are individuals with unique thoughts and feelings means that sometimes we just have to keep trying new ways to get that connection back and be patient in the meantime.