The Reluctant Mermaid

one woman unwilling to swim in the same direction as the others


Where am I?

I've been thinking lately about all the art and all the crafting I used to do. Used to. I know that a lot of that halted with the move to our apartment, where every square inch is taken up by just living. Now, this post is not at all a post where I feel sorry for myself, so please don't feel sorry for me. It's an honest and true reflection of where my thoughts are lately.

It's been hard to step away from it all... and really look from the outside in as to where I was even going with what I was creating. I dabble, I'm a dabbler and I am coming to the realization more and more that I really have no direction. I do what I feel like doing at the moment; making a necklace, painting a picture, collaging, writing, making wreaths, sewing. Does that make me an artist? I kinda don't think that it does. I don't have a "thing" that is my "thing". I see other peoples work, I read wonderful blogs and have many books that inspire me... and I dream of making these things myself. But, am I making them unique just for me or am I just copying what I see... I kinda think I'm a copier.

So, where does that leave me? I need to figure it out. Spring is almost here, all of my supplies are stored at my dear friends house where she has given me space. I'm hoping upon hope that my paints and my glues have not been destroyed in the unheated garage loft where they've been hibernating in the freezing cold.

Am I going to find these things when the weather is better, and not know what to do with them anymore?

What if I unpack all of my things and don't feel anything?

What if the winter, and the changes in my life and the length of time I've spent away from creating makes creating anything impossible.

What is mine?

What is someone elses that I copied?

What if I don't love this anymore?

What if I don't know how to find my creative voice?

What if I don't remember where I was going with this tree painting?

How do I do this?

Where am I in all of this... where am I?
I just wanted to follow up with a very special comment that was left on my facebook page by an incredibly awesome friend (who I STILL need to get together with... LISA! We need to make a plan!) She shared something that just completely says it ALL:

"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street sign...s, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from - it’s where you take them to."
— Jim Jarmusch


Carmen said...

i just know that you will be okay and as soon as you touch (anything) magic will happen.
you are an artist!
a very good one!

p.s. be patient, life is good

Missy said...

Kate....what if you do??? What if this space, this rest, this living allows you to see everything in a new light?? Michaelangelo was a "Dabbler" too! I have spent my entire life going from super creative to absolutely nothing doesn't go away EVOLVES with you evolve. Never fear..even if your paints and glue are dry, when the mood strikes you will make art out of playdough if you need too!

Anonymous said...

keep dabbling and dont knock yourself for it. ooner or later you will find your "voice" artistically, and it will flow. its not copying, its inspiration......all artists do it, gerat work inspires great work, moves us, changes us, and we go on to create our own version and interpretation of it. Just keep going. Clarity comes. I know you can do it.
Its the damned lack of seratonin that gets everyone doubtful this time of year. fight it and carry on!

Lisa said...

Amen to what Lisa said at the bottom of this post!! Seriously.. I can second and third it.. I really, really do think that creativity is a FEELING, a way of interacting with the world, a way of connecting and expressing who we are and what is stirring inside of us. I think we focus too much on the "what" vs. on the process and that deep magical feeling we get when the creativity goddess is doing her magic on us.