Audrey

this is my mother, Audrey

isn't she pretty?

she's really very sick

and I don't know what to do to help

because we haven't always been friends, friendly, loving

in fact, just last fall was the first time in about 6 years that we

hugged, said I love you, I miss you, I forgive you

she's really very sick

and I don't know what to do to help

so I call, I listen to her struggling to breath, 

telling her she doesn't have to talk to me if she's feeling out of breath

but I get the feeling that she's talking so much because it's been so long

and who knows.... anything could happen

and that really frightens me

and I don't know what to do with all those feelings...

because they're very new to me

it's really hard for me to imagine that she's so weak that she fell and couldn't move

it's very difficult to hear that she couldn't even yell for help

she was always mighty, always loud, I was really afraid of that as a child

because it was powerful, it was painful, all that yelling...

 all that smacking around

that fear

and now she can't stand up?  or talk? or breathe?
seriously?  I can't even imagine that!

it just doesn't seem right, 

this woman

my mother

so frail

and scared

She has a rare blood disease

and it's really hurting her

and she's in the hospital 

and she's lost so much

like her job

her health insurance

and almost all of her children's respect

but here I am, healing after six years

while she tries with all her might to heal herself

and it's not looking too good right now

So what I do is to look for services that can help her when she gets out

meals, nursing care, health insurance, social security

community support, etc. etc. etc

THAT is what I can do

oh- and tell her that I love her

because I do

I love her

**UPDATE**


good news: kidneys are out of danger
bad news: blood clots are in both her legs and lungs.  PLEASE let the bloodthinners work!
more bad news: moving her to a larger hospital, trying to find a blood donor match for a transfusion